The Emotional Journey of Adoption: A Story of the Parks Family
For Rick and Joni Parks of West Bend, adoption has been a journey filled with both joy and heartbreak. Their path to parenthood, documented in Rick’s memoir, “Sons of Other Fathers: A Memoir of Adoption, Identity, and the Relationships That Define Family,” reveals the complexities and emotional depth of adopting children.
The Parks family has experienced three adoption processes. Their first adoption brought them their son Matthew, while their third attempt introduced them to Kyle. A second adoption opportunity, however, did not come to fruition.
In his memoir, Rick describes the unpredictable nature of adoption, likening it to a roller coaster: “Adopting a child can be like a roller coaster ride,” he writes, and “like roller coasters, no two adoption experiences are the same.”
Rick recently shared insights from his memoir with Rob Ferrett on WPR’s “Wisconsin Today”. He emphasized the importance of sharing their story, noting that while their adoption journey ended positively, not all stories do. “We felt so very blessed to wind up with our sons,” Rick said.
During the interview, Rick explained the concept of a closed adoption, which was common when they adopted Matthew. In such cases, the identities of the birth and adoptive parents remain confidential. “None of the parties really know who the other one is,” he said, adding that these records were often sealed in the past.
Reflecting on the moment they first met Matthew, Rick shared a memorable scene: “Our attorney and his wife — who were friends of ours — pulled up in his silver El Dorado car, because he was an attorney, and he could afford one of those. They brought him into our home, and there he was.”
Despite the eventual joy, Rick emphasized the uncertainty inherent in adoption. “We tried to be mentally prepared that something could go wrong,” he said. The couple understood the emotional toll of waiting and the possibility of facing setbacks.
When asked why they decided to adopt again after Matthew, Rick mentioned the value they placed on siblings, having grown up with their own. “We valued the idea that you had a sibling,” he explained, noting the importance of having a familial bond as children grow older.
Unfortunately, their second adoption attempt did not succeed. However, having Matthew made the situation easier to bear. “It was an incredibly quick process to be selected by this birth mother,” Rick shared, highlighting the swift nature of their experience.
Eventually, they adopted Kyle through an open process, maintaining contact with his birth mother. This experience led them to connect with Matthew’s birth father, despite his closed adoption. Rick noted the emotional challenges Matthew faced, prompting them to reconsider their approach to adoption openness.
Rick advises prospective adoptive parents to stay adaptable: “Be prepared for the roller coaster to shift,” he advised. He stresses the importance of being open-hearted yet ready for unexpected changes, encouraging perseverance even if plans don’t unfold as anticipated.
