The holiday season, often a time of joy, can also amplify feelings of loss for families experiencing “grief spikes,” particularly when it is the first celebration without a loved one. This emotional time can bring forth memories of those lost, presenting unique challenges in managing grief for both adults and children.
Creating a Presence from Absence
Holidays can accentuate the absence of loved ones, but finding ways to transform this absence into a presence can be comforting. Hope Edelman, author of The AfterGrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss, suggests integrating a loved one’s memory into holiday activities. Whether it’s cooking a special dish, lighting a commemorative candle, or sharing cherished stories, these traditions can help maintain a sense of connection. Some families create new traditions, like a “day of kindness” in memory of a loved one, to bring light and unity.
Facilitating Open Conversations for Children
Fred Rogers once said, “Anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable can be manageable.” During the holidays, sharing stories and viewing photos or home videos of lost loved ones can help children feel connected. Edelman emphasizes the importance of allowing children to openly express their grief, as silence may lead to feelings of isolation. Engaging in storytelling can assist children in processing emotions, while also demonstrating ways to cope with loss.
Building a Support Network
Grief impacts individuals uniquely. Parents might face the dual challenge of their own grief while assisting their children. Edelman advises assembling a support network, such as friends or extended family, to offer emotional support. This “grief team” ensures children have trusted adults to confide in, allowing parents to focus on their own emotional needs.
Understanding Children’s Grief
Grief manifests differently in children based on age and personality. Younger children might not grasp the permanence of loss, showing their grief through routine changes or emotional outbursts, while older children may require more guidance. Providing a safe space for children to express themselves and teaching them emotional regulation techniques can foster resilience.
Diverse Grieving Processes
Grieving is a personal experience, with no universal timeline or method. Experiencing heightened grief during the holidays is natural and reflects deep love and longing, according to Edelman. Parents are encouraged to accept and work through these emotions as part of the healing journey.
Encouragement for Parents
Edelman reassures parents, stating, “A child can experience a loss—even a major one—when they’re young and still have a beautiful, rich, and fulfilling life as an adult. They will carry that memory forward, but it will often enrich their lives in ways you can’t even imagine now.” Navigating the holiday season with patience and intention can balance present joys with treasured memories.
Resources to Help Children Navigate Loss and Grief:
